I’ve never been great about keeping a consistent journal, so it’s interesting looking back at the last 2 months of posts to see my rollercoaster of emotions and hope versus desperation; seeing life as hard and seeing it as a challenge to overcome with triumph. Today, I feel like the weight of the world is too much to bear and I start to go down the spiral of no one understands and why did I bring this all upon myself? But the reality is that the weight of the world was the same yesterday and will be the same tomorrow. I don’t like writing to bitch and moan about my life but I realize a lot of these posts have been just that. I write what I feel like is the truth in hopes that if someone else is going through something similar they know they’re not alone.
You're not alone - and I have some thoughts to share that might work. The below steps take a little practice and with practice, they seem to work better and faster each time. The "dark" feeling is a trigger - something's up (or down in this case). The dark feeling is a trigger, it's not the final answer, and therefore, we can change the dark days into dark hours, and then learn to convert dark hours into dark minutes, and at a "Blackbelt level", we can see the dark feelings a mile away and avert many of them in advance. STEPS: [1] Relate to that down or sad or dark feeling like you would relate to a Yellow Traffic signal. Yellow means slow down, pause. We don't question the Yellow Traffic Signal, and we don't take it personally - we pay attention and slow down. Asking "why the dark day" usually turns out to be a black hole that's harder to get out of the longer we stay in it. [2] Now in the slowed state, start looking for everything you can be grateful for - breathing, walking, seeing, smelling, feeling, driving a car so you can even be at a Yellow Light - doesn't matter - Get Feverishly Grateful - even if very small, "I'm grateful for that very last breath, and this one, and this one - isn't it amazing how oxygen works..." Say your gratitudes out loud, write them down, sing them... The Key is to get more amped up about things to be grateful for than energizing more dark matter to the dark day. [3] Go back to your accomplishments (like the great ones listed above), or your loves (like the cute little one who's a chatterbox, or the bigger one who creates Tiny House masterpieces - same note for all of us - find your loves), [4] Now - Re-engage with the loves immediately in your mind. Feel the love, joy, gratitude, happiness - feel it in your whole body, from head to toe, play those stories over and over in your mind. Feel them, see them, hear them, taste them. [5] Blackbelt level is learning to anchor these feelings - click your fingers, press your thumb into your palm, fold your hands, whatever - but when you access those happy feelings, anchor them physically. This can become a habit that a person does as often as they want, and now every time the anchor is pressed, they get the good goose-bumpy feelings all over again.
P.S. I think "dark dayz" are most likely chemical - I think they take us by surprise because we thrust our bodies into overdrive and literally run out of "brain happy juice" (dopamine, etc.) which takes time to replenish. Try the Yellow Light approach and see if you can reduce the amount of time in the dark zones - I also think the steps above also help replenish equilibrium faster.
I appreciate these posts because it’s such a helpful tool to be able to remember that you’ve done hard things and overcame them/survived. These dark moments have been temporary in the past so I hope and try to remember that they continue to be temporary.
You're not alone - and I have some thoughts to share that might work. The below steps take a little practice and with practice, they seem to work better and faster each time. The "dark" feeling is a trigger - something's up (or down in this case). The dark feeling is a trigger, it's not the final answer, and therefore, we can change the dark days into dark hours, and then learn to convert dark hours into dark minutes, and at a "Blackbelt level", we can see the dark feelings a mile away and avert many of them in advance. STEPS: [1] Relate to that down or sad or dark feeling like you would relate to a Yellow Traffic signal. Yellow means slow down, pause. We don't question the Yellow Traffic Signal, and we don't take it personally - we pay attention and slow down. Asking "why the dark day" usually turns out to be a black hole that's harder to get out of the longer we stay in it. [2] Now in the slowed state, start looking for everything you can be grateful for - breathing, walking, seeing, smelling, feeling, driving a car so you can even be at a Yellow Light - doesn't matter - Get Feverishly Grateful - even if very small, "I'm grateful for that very last breath, and this one, and this one - isn't it amazing how oxygen works..." Say your gratitudes out loud, write them down, sing them... The Key is to get more amped up about things to be grateful for than energizing more dark matter to the dark day. [3] Go back to your accomplishments (like the great ones listed above), or your loves (like the cute little one who's a chatterbox, or the bigger one who creates Tiny House masterpieces - same note for all of us - find your loves), [4] Now - Re-engage with the loves immediately in your mind. Feel the love, joy, gratitude, happiness - feel it in your whole body, from head to toe, play those stories over and over in your mind. Feel them, see them, hear them, taste them. [5] Blackbelt level is learning to anchor these feelings - click your fingers, press your thumb into your palm, fold your hands, whatever - but when you access those happy feelings, anchor them physically. This can become a habit that a person does as often as they want, and now every time the anchor is pressed, they get the good goose-bumpy feelings all over again.
P.S. I think "dark dayz" are most likely chemical - I think they take us by surprise because we thrust our bodies into overdrive and literally run out of "brain happy juice" (dopamine, etc.) which takes time to replenish. Try the Yellow Light approach and see if you can reduce the amount of time in the dark zones - I also think the steps above also help replenish equilibrium faster.
I appreciate these posts because it’s such a helpful tool to be able to remember that you’ve done hard things and overcame them/survived. These dark moments have been temporary in the past so I hope and try to remember that they continue to be temporary.