Kids are hard. It is okay to admit that. Life is hard. It is okay to admit that. Work... the same.
I read this and think you're alright, you're having a moment, and you are contending.
I saw my youngest recently during a trip to Humboldt. When I saw her I hugged her and wept. It was more than missing her... life has become a bit wild around here. She's a woman and I love her growth... but I also miss my baby. And I fear the things I didn't do right... etc.
And life, kids, work, etc. are simultaneously amazing and all that stuff.
As someone who has worked from home for 20+ years, I like the "alone". But it is important to have those connections - digital lifelines - as well. Try to have those in place.
I remember when you and your brothers were young - I was physically exhausted for about 10-12 years... running around, working, mothering, wife-ing, doing my best. Then as you became young teenagers to young adults, I was mentally exhausted... dad and I would lay in bed, eyes wide open, every night from 10pm - 12am, praying that whoever was still out, was safe. Dad would actually have the phone right on his chest. When you went to College, it got worse - I feared for your life, especially when I saw news stories about missing college girls, predators, shooters. One time, when you had to have your wisdom teeth pulled out and the dentist advised he would be using anesthesia for that procedure, while waiting for you in the lobby, I thought I might have a heart attack right then and there. It took all my self-discipline to not barge past the door that separates the lobby from all the little dental chairs, to come find you and check in on you and make sure the dentist knew what he was doing. Besides the Pandemic; good intentions on mothering, wife-ing, working, living is a challenge. I do like your shell definition and metaphore.
Something I think moms of our generation had a little easier was MUCH LESS INPUT from social media 24-7. That adds to and intensifies the worry, fear, exhaustion - I pray your generation learns to "put the phone down" for at least 1-2 hours a day, and 1 day a week.
I also think that most "worries" are temputous sirens that needs to be acknowledged for what they are... Siren Story: "Half-birds, half beautiful maidens, the Sirens were singing enchantresses capable of luring passing sailors to their islands, and, subsequently, to their doom. Daughters of the river god Achelous and a Muse, they were fated to die if anyone should survive their singing. When Odysseus passed them by unharmed, they hurled themselves into the sea and were drowned."
Along with creating a new creation under the shell, I would try to swap "worry" for Observation and then many of the worries will "hurl themselves into the sea and drown!"
Love this and can totally relate - I myself always have this worry in the back of my mind - I dont think now about the pandemic but like you have said that certain aspects overlap each other and I never switch off. I always worry that im never giving enough, never doing enough, not thinking out side the box enough and being a single mom and sole provider of a 7 year old its super scary....
Suffering from Severe Anxiety I also love to be open and honest like you are about how life really is because it is facts and everyone goes through it - everyone has these thoughts and worries and its normal.... I guess we all just need to know we are not alone.
Kids are hard. It is okay to admit that. Life is hard. It is okay to admit that. Work... the same.
I read this and think you're alright, you're having a moment, and you are contending.
I saw my youngest recently during a trip to Humboldt. When I saw her I hugged her and wept. It was more than missing her... life has become a bit wild around here. She's a woman and I love her growth... but I also miss my baby. And I fear the things I didn't do right... etc.
And life, kids, work, etc. are simultaneously amazing and all that stuff.
As someone who has worked from home for 20+ years, I like the "alone". But it is important to have those connections - digital lifelines - as well. Try to have those in place.
Take care!
I remember when you and your brothers were young - I was physically exhausted for about 10-12 years... running around, working, mothering, wife-ing, doing my best. Then as you became young teenagers to young adults, I was mentally exhausted... dad and I would lay in bed, eyes wide open, every night from 10pm - 12am, praying that whoever was still out, was safe. Dad would actually have the phone right on his chest. When you went to College, it got worse - I feared for your life, especially when I saw news stories about missing college girls, predators, shooters. One time, when you had to have your wisdom teeth pulled out and the dentist advised he would be using anesthesia for that procedure, while waiting for you in the lobby, I thought I might have a heart attack right then and there. It took all my self-discipline to not barge past the door that separates the lobby from all the little dental chairs, to come find you and check in on you and make sure the dentist knew what he was doing. Besides the Pandemic; good intentions on mothering, wife-ing, working, living is a challenge. I do like your shell definition and metaphore.
Something I think moms of our generation had a little easier was MUCH LESS INPUT from social media 24-7. That adds to and intensifies the worry, fear, exhaustion - I pray your generation learns to "put the phone down" for at least 1-2 hours a day, and 1 day a week.
I also think that most "worries" are temputous sirens that needs to be acknowledged for what they are... Siren Story: "Half-birds, half beautiful maidens, the Sirens were singing enchantresses capable of luring passing sailors to their islands, and, subsequently, to their doom. Daughters of the river god Achelous and a Muse, they were fated to die if anyone should survive their singing. When Odysseus passed them by unharmed, they hurled themselves into the sea and were drowned."
Source: https://www.greekmythology.com/Myths/Creatures/Sirens/sirens.html
Along with creating a new creation under the shell, I would try to swap "worry" for Observation and then many of the worries will "hurl themselves into the sea and drown!"
Those are thoughts from your loving, proud, Mom!
you have a loyal reader, this is gold
Love this and can totally relate - I myself always have this worry in the back of my mind - I dont think now about the pandemic but like you have said that certain aspects overlap each other and I never switch off. I always worry that im never giving enough, never doing enough, not thinking out side the box enough and being a single mom and sole provider of a 7 year old its super scary....
Suffering from Severe Anxiety I also love to be open and honest like you are about how life really is because it is facts and everyone goes through it - everyone has these thoughts and worries and its normal.... I guess we all just need to know we are not alone.